dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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