You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
