just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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