my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
jump out the window naked night went bad
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