it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
