break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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