Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize