She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
