the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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