Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
