and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
