She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
