Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
