i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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