I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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