Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
