That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
