the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pants 0. Shit 1.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
