Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
