You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
