Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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