dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
