East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
