"it" just moved
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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