I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize