Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
