I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
