I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
