The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
