There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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