i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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