Tell her she can't have a vagina
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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