My first STD was from a foam party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
