Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize