google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
