I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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