Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my being single is dangerous.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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