dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
3pm strippers are depressing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
