You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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