Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
there is glitter all over my balls
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