the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
True college students do jello shots in the library
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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