I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
