have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
