Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize