I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
