Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
