he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
