Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
