i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
