I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
