I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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