i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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