I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize