the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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