Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
