morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What a dumb baby whore.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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