I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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