You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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