I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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