Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
