there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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