it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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