I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
