strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
