Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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