Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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