this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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