Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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