i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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