I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize