I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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