it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
