a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
