You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
