I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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