I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
