yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize