im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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