dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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